I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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