just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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