my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
