my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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