my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
