dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
