Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize