don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
