Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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