just come out here and I will go home with you...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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