Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
