fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
