yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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