Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My balls are so social today.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
