I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
