Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
