Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
