I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize