my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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