i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
