i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
