Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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