elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
