No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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