My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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