My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
