Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize