Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
