I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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