he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
