Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
