ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've blown a few things in my day
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
