I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are we still banned from the library?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
