Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
