Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
