I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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