i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
