My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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