I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
