I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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