what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
