You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
