I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
