If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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