Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
