I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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