I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
