I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
