Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
