Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
