Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
