I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
