The maid of honor just puked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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