I wish I could punch you in the face.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
