I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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