I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
