JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
