I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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