I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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