dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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