I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
