One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
