I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
either way he was missing a nipple.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
