margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's blow job season.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
