I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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