somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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