we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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