So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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