areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize