noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I AM VODKA MAN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
