I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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