my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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