So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I lost the right to judge tonight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
