I puked a lego.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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