the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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