we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
