You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
