I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
