Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
