I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
