For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
