The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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