My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
