I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
a search helicopter?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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