what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
