Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
