I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
