Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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