hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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