try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
