all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
